Shapes and Sizes

There's an eerie dark feeling in the air.........

...........I find myself in a delicate fetal position.....I wonder: "How did I get here????" A soft gentle voice muttered: 'You cannot be recovering from a drunken stupor?' I was too embarrassed and wondered what I was doing curled up in on the carpet with my pet for comfort. The voice went on: 'Get up and get going'. My sister "pounded" me verbally like my head felt....................I thought it echoed. She screaaaaammmed!!!!

I did go out the night before but it was not because I was being a rebel but I was a worry-wart. I stressed about my future, worried about things that I have no control over to the extent that the worry turned into stress which further impacted on my life and unfortunately that it controlled me.....

Worry and stress dictated my life while I was unable to enhance my own great life.........

To awaken from that curled, disgusting position being in that dark head space, I have to daily sift through the best of NOW, make the negative into a positive by changing what I can change and not allowing myself to worry about things I have no control over.

The world feels like it could swallow you up but patience, rational thinking with a positive outlook can get you though anything......This from a stressed out sassy mess to a stress-free, motivated, still sassy, self-reliant and stunning woman.

You can if you believe it!!!!!!

Winning Formular

Yeah!!!! Touchdown!!!! The crowd is cheering....I look around and find no one that I personally know. Wow!! I have achieved my personal touchdown and the cheers are for me. My name is called and I am on a high like nothing I have ever felt. I am a winner!!! In my eyes, of course....

I have just graduated and I scan the crowd and I see my mom wave her little hand sheepishly, just enough for me to see that she is cheering for me and 'in my corner'. I smile from ear to ear and that was the last time I was ever able to smile as the facial nerve was sacrified. My moment was not stolen, it was captured and I have the photograph to prove it. That great milestone in my life was one of gratitute and honor as I stood there I had flashbacks of my journey to get to where I was standing.
School was torture, once I was given a double promotion and skipped grades, won a SA writing competition, moved schools and was abused, further studied with physical pain only to find out that it was near impossible for soemone with a tumor at the base of her skull to study or live a productive live. This tumor was growing, while I had a life of my own. I did not want to be looked down at, as I had to claim my personal achievements. I remained focused. I grew spiritually and in tune with myself, mind and body.
My mom's face showed me that I can do anything, and that we never choose our family but make the best of what we have. I know the value of family and treasure each one of them therefore I am proud to be apart of their fold. They have been my motivation and encouragement even when they don't mean to. My winning formular is perseverance, determination, hard work and total dedication for fulfilling my dreams.
Find your winning formular to have the biggest cheer for you. Whatever your path, don't loose your attitude that will define you.

A Tree

I looked out my window, all I could see was the world passing me by. I was loosing precious time, consumed with physical pain, post surgery pain and the psychological effects of that.I felt like I was slipping further into an abyss and I did not want to get out. I also felt trapped in a lifeless body with little movement with lots of assistance. I was extremely lucky if I was asked my input of my daily upkeep because very few understood me. My speech was distorted. The girl who felt like she could conquer all her dreams was living her nightmare. Tears rolled down my face even though I could not feel my right side, I watched myself curl into a cacoon of self pity and pain. Some part of me started to accept this situation.
As my mom wiped my tears away without saying a word, I looked out the window and wondered what happened to the vivacious, confident woman many came to love.
As I starred, my eye caught a glimse of the leaves of a tree I grew up looking at. I marvelled at how well that tree is taken care of by God to provide roots, a bark, stem and beautiful leaves. It has matured to this level and relies on its Maker. I stopped in my pity and wiped my tears away and thought if I rely on my maker like that, I will be able to provide nothing but beauty and also be effective and maybe impact on someone's life.
It took a tree to show me that I can get out of what doctors say is a miracle. I then searched for a rehabilitation centre, decide to work on my body and mind and that defined a victorius me.
What is obstructing your path, your secret to succeed at you life? You can be an overcomer like me, it may not be a tree but it may be a word of advice or something simple. Search yourself and be the person that you believe you are destined to be. Change for the good is the best feeling for you and everyone around you.

Win your battle

Allow yourself to be free to love yourself. Take the best care of yourself first so that you are able to serve others in your family, friendship and in career as well as charity. There may be days that we feel that we are not worthy to have special care and make others our priorty, our children, parents, our careers, our partners, or whatever the 'issue' may be, we should not loose sight that you were created for a specific purpose and without our function performed to be lived at our optimum there is no good reason to go through each mundane day. It all starts in your mind. Your mind is a raging battlefield which can be non-consequential. Focus on you, your inner being so that you can be the victor in your minds 'battle'. Whether you are in business, climbing up the corporate ladder, a mom, a dad, a teenager, someone with a terminal disease, facing abuse, a victim of crime, whatever your situation, you are worthy and you were created and destined to be a survivor. Get out of your shell of pain or circumstance and ride the victor wave. Win the battle in your mind and that is the starting point to a renewed and revitalised you. Fulfil yourself from the inside and that will flow into everything and everyone that you come in contact with. Value yourself by deminishing the battle in your mind. You can do anything when you believe it and vision it. You have the amour for your success!!!

True reflections

You are not always what you think you are. Many will feel that they are told they are failures and will amount to nothing and that same person will believe and have a vision of being a professional person or a constructive contributing productive human being. These can be achieved, your passion can be realised as was mine against all odds and making the circumstance of the day to be tone-dead while my vision became a loud, explosive audiable reality. I believe that if those negative challenges are constantly surpressed , then the positivity will be overwhelmingly overflowing and that will be passed on to many others who would want to surround themselves by you. The power is within. Let the positive glow be the only reflection of your life and that will turn into thankfulness and a happy person.

Beauty within

Not everyday is as beautiful and not everytime can be the brightest. I personally feel that as much as the pain of your life may be too overwhelming that it is also so consuming, yet if you take a moment and look within you and feel that the pain or anger is not worth making your day grey. Being a survivor, is one of the most gratifying feeling like summitting a mountain and placing my 'victory' flag on the top. I can relate to many people and can understand the feeing and how some days are really difficult yet, you can be so victorious as a gracious survivor. Positivism brings in a power that is satisfying to everyone around you. My rationale is that in order to get to the top of the ladder, you have to use one rung at a time. With that in mind, overcome, forgive and release yourself from whatever aspect of your life is harming you. Like I mentioned, as a survivor from a potential life as a disabled being, I refused to be labelled, I want to be me, a beautiful creation of God with no problematic reason to life. I made a choice to live a beauiful, full, production life without resentment and bitterness. I hope that someone will be able be hear that we have a life, to live your best, do your best and give your best. It is the only life we have. Make the best of the time we have, love and share, protect and care for yourself and loved ones.

Thankfulness

I have realised that no matter how difficult it was, every small step to recovery, overcoming abuse or whatever the situation, I stopped to be thankful to my Maker to helping me overcome the specific hurdle. Life has daily challenges, whether we are vicitimized by crime to dealing with any sort of pain, we have to be so grateful for being able to see the sun rise again. I am grateful that I got to be the person I am and not be the bitter woman many thought I might turn into when I was angry with the world, unable to forgive and unable to be thankful for the wonderful life I have. Small wonders might be the most significant but we are unble to see it because we are consumed with our situation and ourselves. It is easier to let go than to hold onto something that can make us a fruitless individual, bitter and angry. Try being thankful. I wake up everyday and thank my Maker for ten things and then start and day to overcome all my hurdles.

Your true north

Finding your true north is as easy or difficult as you make it. Be your authentic self by discovering who you are and what you stand by. Every individual is dictated by their own values, the starting point of 'finding you' do not ignore your inner voice and have an open mind to change for a better. Yesterday is gone and now is all we have so lets start by making a better and brighter tomorrow. I believe that it all starts with a simple idea and can be formulated into brillance. As I mentioned, it is hard work and alot of pain but when I discovered my true north it was the best feeling. Very little can measure up to that but I constantly am motivated to have the best of my purpose-driven life. You can also have that.
As a young woman that suffered abuse, bullied because I was an overachiever, lost my dear sister to death and loved her children like my own, lived in poverty to gain a University degree, diagnosed with a death sentence, have intense rehabilitation after being in bed for two years, am now able to function as a productive human being, am married to a man I prayed God will bring in my path, one that loves God first. Yes, I believe you can if you are motivated to want change and encouraged that you can follow your dreams.

A Better Tomorrow

The power of moving each muscle as painful as it was it was all the effort that I put into it.

Life has many challenges, abused and unable to face your abuser, while many others have to live with their abusers, feeling pain in an emotional way, have abuse around us, being affected and infected by disease or a death of a loved one. This is all pain. Life has thrown us another curve ball, some may say that we may have seen the recession in our path, some may say we endanger ourself but whatever the cirsumstance, be it the bullies at school, your heart been broken again yet, there is a family member or friend that will say: Chin Up!
I can attest to all of this pain and being in a situational condition and hating the situation but loving yourself to want a better tomorrow. If you are reading this and you feel that you are one of those people that can relate to this, we can journey together and rectify our lives for a better tomorrow. The future is all we can look forward to. The past cannot be changed but we can want to change for ourselves in the future.
You have to love you, believe in you, vision youself where you want to be, and start small steps by making that a reality.

An Optimist

Like many people, we feel that the possiblity of achieving my optimum success was within my reach. However, all that came to an end when a great successful life came crashing down when I received a death-sentence. I had a tumor at the base of my skull and I was given a year or two if it was not removed and had I removed it, I will be disabled. As the doctor stated that, so was it. I was disabled after a nine-hour surgery. God, had other plans. I fought with Him and searched myself as a 20 something young woman, I felt alone. Recovery was slow, I was disfigured and looked like a stoke-victim in my 20's. My dream of being a Lawyer slowly became a nightmare. I hated myself until I went into myself emotionally and spritually. I did all the research that was relevant for my recovery. Finally, I fought for the next two hard years, trying to move my muscles since the nerves were sacrificed, fought through the pain, to walk, talk and not eat through a straw. The pain was so consuming but the results were so gratifying.
I had to remain motivated to do the work, to be encouraged to wake up to face the next day and further fight for my dreams. I remained fighting. Many people gave up, my doctors still see me as a miracle and the first words that my surgeon whispered in my ear was: 'you are a survivor, we almost lost you'. I think that there was a reason for me to be here and fight for a new life. It may not be the life that I dreamed of but it is the life that I am grateful that I had. I would never want to change anything. I am now a better person. I was always into positive thinking but never knew the power that it reallly has. It is increadibly wonderful.